Overflow

Hmmm. I am going to contemplate John 4 this week. The chapter is a favorite, and I associate it with the beautiful testimony of a dear friend who believed herself unfit for motherhood after an abortion. Years later, she spoke publicly of her long-held feeling of shame and the remorse that robbed her of so much as dreaming of parenting. She spoke of how Jesus found her right where she was at--- keenly aware of her shortcomings and the pain piled up throughout her life. My friend identified her own surprise that she need not come to Him with her life neatly ordered, just like the Samaritan woman who expressed shock at Jesus's attention and knowledge of her far-from-a-fairytale life. The Samaritan woman brought a village to Jesus feet, and my friend brought a community of women to their knees with the announcement of her pregnancy. Each of those women found He would offer her grace to cover her brokenness. And the surprise discovery that He would and could bring new life through the profound mercy to be found at the foot of a cross. Well, the cross.

Laura's post had me smiling, and thinking of how it is possible to continually pour out even though I do not shoulder the responsibility for others' response to care. My chronically half-empty glass is in no real danger of being emptied. I can pour it out for others without worry knowing there is that well of Living Water Jesus offered in John 4. The only time my glass is likely to be sucked dry is when there is a self-induced drought brought on by failure to return to that well for a refill.
This week, the thought that John 4 was the place to be coincided with Middle Child's pre-departure lunch mas she heads to Mexico for a week of service building a home and sharing Jesus through Children's Bible School with her middle school youth group.
In preparation for the trip, we talked of how she might take time to study those verses in John 4 herself with an eye toward the future she hopes to see unfold. A future with training in engineering with an eye toward the incredible need for clean drinking water in many places around the world. Or perhaps for knowledge of crop techniques to yield sufficient food for areas suffering from hunger. Ideas that have sprouted as a result of seeds planted in Laura's Honduran home. And at the foot of that cross.
Imagine my smile when our pastor announced today in service that he would be departing from Joseph to honor what God had done through the faithfulness of a team sent out from our church to assist in planting four churches in Uganda over the last two weeks. Two weeks that resulted in hundreds of people discovering that wellspring of grace, mercy, and possibility that fills one to overflowing. His departure from Genesis? A detour to the Good News found in John 4.

Back Track

• The Honduras girls went to see all the Twilight movies.
• The next-to-last chapter in Holy Discontent pretty much described my soon-to-depart friend Laura and her heart for Honduras.
• Laura and I shared a farewell brunch and talked of the needs her family is going to meet and those they will need met. She opened my small mind a bit further to big, new ideas.
• Jan asked for pictures from our Spring Break trip to use in a slide show. Pictures like these:

As I sifted through photo files, listening to the Casting Crowns track Jan sent along with her photo request, there was a certainty that there was a little girl like Alba Rosa (held by Katie in the above photos) who was waiting for there to be extra arms to hold her. (This may have been somewhat influenced by a conversation with Laura earlier in the week about the amount of red tape involved in ministering to kids in the U.S.) I wonder about the kids we met, and those who minister to them daily. Next thing I know, I'm in tears.
My mister is one to greet the tears of the assorted females in our home as a call to action of some sort. He asked what was wrong. I told him. In minutes, the decision was made that Katie and I will go back to Honduras at Thanksgiving.

Grudge

November, 2000: Library books helped maintain my sanity while stuck on bed rest in the final trimester of pregnancy with Erin. The mister turned in the last batch of books while I was in the hospital after delivery.
March, 2001: Library notification of a missing book and the bill for replacement cost arrived. (Mad search ensued. Book found under bed. Uh-oh.) The book was returned to the library and the baby displayed to the librarian along with the bill. Despite the explanation of, "I was GIVING BIRTH," the librarian in charge of fines proved unsympathetic to the circumstances. She decreased the amount owed to reflect the $21 late fee rather than the $22 book price. How gracious. Irate library patron left without paying the fine, and vowing to forgo the benefits of an active library card in the face of stupidity.

June, 2010: Leaving Erin at home under her Daddy's care to watch t.v. while clutching her glitter-covered plastic box of baby teeth and chomping on gauze post-extraction, the elder offspring and I headed for the new library branch a couple of blocks from the house. The big kids have lived with Mom's enmity toward the Pleasant Suburban Library since Evan was in kindergarten. It seemed reasonable that they should accompany Mom on this errand of restoration.
We entered the long avoided coolness of my one-time haven as defensive supplicants. I explained a tad too cheerfully to the nice lady that, "I need to pay the most asinine library fine ever levied." She took a step backward, but then proceeded to the keyboard to look up the offense. I paid the fine while explaining how it came to be. The lady very apologetically explained that there would be a $1 fee for a replacement card. (The original was recycled into confetti. Very small bits of confetti.) Fair enough.
The big kids and I each picked a couple of volumes off the shelves, checked out, and stepped out of the building with our shiny renewed library cards. The kids waited very patiently while I entered an abbreviated portion of each title into my phone so the calendar will alarm two days prior to the due date. We are reinstated into good patron status, and none of us is anxious to sacrifice another decade of library access over late fees anytime soon.

Questioner

Having been much in mind of the last few chapters of Job lately, Easter struck home with thoughts of Christ's resounding triumph over the grave. Death is as natural to man as birth. From first breath, humanity is dying; yet, this most basic course of nature was defeated by Jesus's Resurrection. The very course of Nature designed and put in place by the Creator of the Universe was put aside by Jesus to change the course of humanity that was headed mindlessly over the cliff of destruction like so many lemmings.
What do I know of the natural world? What do I know of the God who set the world into being? Who am I to question any more than Job when faced with tragedy? Standing on the red, dirt of Puerto Lempira being whipped by blowing wind and watching through a chain link fence as fat purple and gray clouds raced one another across the sky on Heaven's breath brought to mind the words of God to Job who dared to question suffering. Considering the slight weight of a too-thin infant in my arms, the idea of a 10 year-old being responsible for his own medical care after sustaining a machete injury, the struggles of a little girl with braids in her hair to breathe, and the many children too small for their ages due to too little nourishment brought into sharp focus Job's anguish. And the response of God asking Job, who dared to question when faced with tragedy, "Where were you?" as the world was set into motion. Something of a Pride Smackdown.
Yes, Lord. Where was I? As occasional fat drops of intermittent rain escaped from the clouds rushing overhead, the wind continued to swirl as thoughts came and went of how little I knew of the realities of daily life in Puerto Lempira. Of how little I would ever know of the fates of the children there. Of how little I knew of the natural sciences. And of how much scientists cannot explain... and how much more those same scholars must retract as time reveals "new" or "changing" information because man fails to comprehend the fullness of God's Creation. We simply lack the power to absolutely comprehend Creation or Creator.
If we cannot understand the forces of nature (Who would not wish to predict a hurricane or an earthquake to prevent injury or loss of life?), then how dare we... I... be so full of pride as to challenge the ills I see as if I could somehow guess at the intentions of God? How do I know the purposes He has for what seems good, bad, or otherwise to me?
In recognition of my lack of perception, there is a measure of freedom regained. In celebration of Easter, there is a renewed appreciation of Christ's ability to overcome what I cannot even comprehend fully, and a renewal of resolve to be a drop in the bucket of relief to a suffering world. Because enough drops in the bucket will eventually overflow.

Twitches

See Holly. See Holly twitch. *sigh*
Good news is that the master bathroom tile is being grouted today. Bad news is that the grout got on the ceiling which will now need to be repainted. We needed two more boxes of tile a couple of days ago, and then two more (for a total of four above and beyond what was expected) yesterday. Did I mention that the tile cost more than my mister had expected to spend? And that he went along with me because I really, really liked this tile?
While en route to retrieve boxes three and four from the retailer, my Mom-mobile began to vibrate. Violently. Uh-oh. And on the way home? The "Check Engine" light started flashing to further highlight the issue. Oh, but no. Today the truck is in the shop, and we are waiting for a call with word on just what caused the badness.
The glass guy who resorted to the "Little Lady" routine and added on to the price quoted over the phone when I arrived to place the order? Yeah. His increased price is still lower than the second quote by many, many dollars. I may just have to suck it up and go vacant and smiley long enough to get the glass installed in the bathroom. First, I will try to collect another couple of quotes in hopes of maintaining both my self-respect and the bottom line on the remodel.
Unless the cost of New Camera and Car Repair prohibit the immediate completion of the bathroom project. We're determined to stick to our pay-as-we-go plan to avoid incurring any new debt. Which may mean we further extend the wait for a fully functional 2nd shower. Again with the sighing and twitching.

Palette

After the pocketbook emptying January calendar packed full of dental, vision, orthodontic, psych, and medical appointments (and the accompanying prescriptions), I was relieved when February arrived with relatively few such engagements and expenses. It seemed prudent not to focus too much on the out-of-pocket expenses of those first harried weeks of 2009 because it would just leave me blue over the outpouring of green rather than pleased to have knocked out so many necessary tasks involved in the care and keeping of the five of us. Along came the letters from the providers that our insurance company opted not to pay last year according to our contract, and I was unable to remain in the pink after finding that we were wrongly in the red.
Until I made a call to the company that administers the Mother Ship's flexible spending (while trying to document last year's medical payments) only to discover that we have money in our account that can be used to reimburse qualifying medical, dental, vision, prescription, etc. expenses for the first three weeks of 2009. Money that had already been deposited which neither we nor the Mother Ship will receive back if it is not utilized for our family's health care expenses. Hee. Hee-hee. Hahahahahahaha. We saw every provider for everything under the sun in that three weeks. I hope to be laughing all the way to the bank having discovered this potential pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I do hope we will be much closer to being back in the black when all is said and done.

Monster

Crazy. Some leading analyst or other is actually suggesting that the downturn in the economy could lead to a permanent decrease in the standard of living for many Americans. To this, I say, "Y'think?!" For years, the increasingly bloated balloon of consumer debt has covered over more and more of what were once sunny economic skies. Once the monstrous consumer debt resolves through defaults and repayments, there will hopefully emerge a saner, less extravagant economy that can be sustained. Maybe. But first, I predict, there will be a continuation of loss and the accompanying shadow of fear. People are unlikely to re-inflate a sagging economy with spending while forced to consider the grim possibilities of disappearing provision for income, medical care, possessions... whatever is at the heart of one's security.

Deadbeats

Awesome. We are deadbeats. A final notice prior to placement of our account with the financial bogeyman has arrived. Despite every effort to communicate an error on the part of our medical insurance company, the billing service for my infusions has determined that our account is far enough past due to warrant it's sale to a collection agency as of February 20th. The real fun is that the account is only showing 10% of the originally billed amount due. A computer glitch with the insurer never quite accounted for the monthly payments made on my infusions in our total out-of-pocket. So the insurance company continued to pay the claims at 90% according to our contract despite our having satisfied our full financial responsibility by August, 2008. Which means that providers kept 10% of our billed balances on their books while our accounts aged beyond the reasonable period for receipt of payment.
Two weeks ago, we were contacted by the latest in a long line of account reps and supervisors from the insurance company claiming to be able "fix" this teensy glitch. This gentleman assured me that we would not face any consequences from accounts aging to collections or denial of services due to unpaid balances on the part of Evil Insurer. Should such action be threatened, I was to call him right away. And I have called. Twice. In the last two weeks. With no response whatsoever despite Michael S.'s voicemail assuring me that he will respond within 48 hours. My original thought was to wait until April when we would reach the first anniversary of my requests that the insurance company correct their error to contact a lawyer. Yet, it begins to appear our final recourse may be on an accelerated schedule. In the meantime, we have to decide whether to begin paying the outstanding balances or allow those balances to become blots on our credit rating.
Follow-up: Still no word from Michael S., but ran across a friend's post regarding his nephew's extraordinary needs.

Cautiously Optimistic

Hopefully, it's not simply a trick of the eye. There appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel, and one may hope it is not a train. The insurance people called back yesterday (only been trying to straighten out uh-ohs with medical claims since April, '08), and after a meeting on Monday there may finally be an end to the dispute with my "very unique circumstances". In other words, the insurance company may actually notify the providers who are clamoring at my mailbox for payment following services rendered that the funds are not due from personal coffers, but from almighty Insurance Company's purse instead. Better still, the insurance company might release funds according to the contract which was entered into in good faith by the medical personnel and our family through the Mother Ship Company's benefits enrollment. Yes, one can hope.

Notable Quote

Flabbergasted. That is the word. The only possible word that comes to mind after reading the story containing this quote, "I don't think we will live the same way for 10 years," says Howard Davidowitz, chairman of New York-based retail consultant and investment bank Davidowitz & Associates. "People are so scared they're starting to save." Seriously.

Snowball

We live in a bubble. While the appearance of great wealth and insatiable consumer consumption continues in our area, there are subtle differences. Prior to 2000, there actually was what felt like a limitless expansion of local industry. The crash at the turn of the millenium saw a decrease in babies born and, around 9/11 and the tech bust, people even stopped (gasp) shopping momentarily. What's underneath the surface veneer of shiny new cars, super-sized homes, impeccably dressed toddlers, and take-out meals?
Even before the housing and lending "credit crisis" we were a country that was in debt. Our government is in debt. Our students are mortgaging their future to credit card lenders. Families and individuals are hobbled by debt from a few hundred dollars to staggering amounts with multiple digits on either side of the comma. Minimum payments are not going to make the problem go away anytime soon.
Our personal household debt grew for well over a decade. Unsecured debt feeds on itself with the help of creditors offering small payments that may or may not cover the interest being charged on money already spent even as limits on spending spiral higher allowing the foolish consumer (that would be us) to dig the hole a little deeper each month. It was "too depressing" to actually tally up the total of our credit card debt. Making the monthly payments ate our disposable income so that necessities like diapers went on plastic with a promise to pay.
Our monumental acts of financial mayhem included having a card paid off, only to run it back up. The greatest act of sheer foolishness was the acceptance of an offer to "consolidate" our smaller debts into a lump sum so we only had to pay the one creditor instead of many, and the one would give us a better interest rate. That would have been great if we had closed the accounts that we transferred. We didn't. We ran the existing accounts back up until we were gasping for air and drowning in minimum payments that threatened to exceed our monthly income. Two years ago, we finally reached our breaking point, and decided that no matter what we would climb out of this pit.
Last week we reached a threshhold. On our 14th wedding anniversary, our debt repayment plan began to "snowball". The first account was paid off. The monthly payment from that account is now added to the monthly payment on another account. When the balance on that account reaches $0, the money used for that payment will be added to the current amount allocated for another account. The first payment has crested the seemingly insurmounatable heights of our debt with the pay-off and elimination of the first account. Eventually, the little snowball that started rolling last week will grow as it makes the downhill journey toward financial freedom from the bondage of unsecured credit.