Post-knee replacement surgeries, I discovered that my jeans no longer fit. There was so much swelling three weeks post-op that my fat jeans could barely be wriggled over my knees, and the results were miserably painful. I sucked it up and ordered two sizes up because there was a full size difference between my regular and fat varieties already. Three and a half months later, and I am still alternating between the two pair of "fat" jeans.
Not that this is a subject that really gets much thought. Today it became an issue when time to take Skater Girl to school rolled around, and I remembered that both pair of Mom Jeans had gone into the laundry last night. Oops. I responded to the misters calls for me to hurry downstairs by leaning over the railing to request tht someone grab a pair of my jeans from the dryer. The request garnered the response that the load of jeans were washing again because they smelled weird. Since the mister and I were headed off for a morning date after dropping off our youngest, sweat pants were not really a desirable option.
Wondering how clean clothes could smell weird, I grabbed a pair of my too-small former fat jeans. (Which are now my skinny jeans because my behind grew to match the once-swollen knees while I was sitting around waiting to heal...) Expecting to relive the horror of trying to cram my post-partum body into normal jeans two weeks after giving birth for the first time, enthusiasm was lacking while pulling the jeans off a hanger dredged from the nether region of the closet. Hopping out of the closet while shimmying into the pants, it was entirely surprising to discover that they weren't putting up much of a fight. The zipper went right up without pliers, or even lying down on the bed. Cool.
Heading downstairs, I was feeling pretty good about the morning's surprise size downgrade. I gave a little spin and shook my newly discovered smaller hiney. Skater Girl caught this move, and she raised an eyebrow. I explained that I was wearing my "skinny" jeans. She looked a little sick. I said, "Not skinny jeans like your sister wears. My skinny jeans. That's what women call the too-small jeans they need to believe they will one day wear again if they can just lose that last five pounds." Grinning now, she replied, "You mean those jeans that women say are five pounds away, but what they mean is more like twenty." I think we can cross Jenny Craig consultant off her list of possible future careers. She might be a comedian, though.