There was no crackling loud speaker to announce, "All rational thought now departing." The words, "You didn't sign up for the travel insurance...", came and went with the ability to coherently process information. Our trip leader did not initially seem to understand the impact of those words. She continued on about an alternate, perhaps somewhat less comprehensive, but still available inexpensive insurance for things like medical treatment and emergency medical evacuation should such be needed during the week in Honduras.
Having awakened this past Monday morning with a raging sinus, ear, and respiratory infection (that hit like a semi truck smashing a compact car, and with about as much warning), the idea of no or possibly insufficient coverage for medical care as available and evacuation in case a medical emergency should occur was beyond unwelcome. It was panic-inducing. So, panic is exactly what I did.
Suddenly, every eensy detail that has produced even a momentary, "What?!" response through the planning and preparation for the trip come crashing down in tsunami form. Sucked into the deepest sea of doubt, even Leader's voice speaking in her usual cheerful manner failed to genuinely penetrate at those depths. Further discussion with the mister did little to keep me from sinking further. Awash in fear and doubt, a text to Walker and e-mail to Leader brought hope of someone throwing the twin life preservers of calm and prayer out long enough to determine the depth of the waters.
Ever see someone thrashing about in the water only to discover their feet can touch the bottom? Yeah, this may well be just that sort of foolishness. In the thrashing about, I was unable to quiet my thoughts to genuinely pray. That's where the mister, Middle Child, Leader, and Walker came in, and by this morning I was ready to more calmly address whether Middle Child and I may be in over our heads. Or if I am the fool thrashing about in the shallows.
The mister's morning devotional shed some light on the topic. He brought it to me to share first thing. From Paul's farewell to Ephesus in Acts 20:22-24, "And now, behold, bound in spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. 24 "But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly for the gospel and the grace of God." Who am I to panic at a week in a place where love is needed, at the opportunity to walk with our friends as they prepare to remain where I will only tread lightly--- and out of fear?!
Paul had gifts to show God's provision which he sought to take to Jerusalem before Pentecost, and I, too, have gifts to offer Reach Out Honduras; although, I am less certain of the nature of those gifts than Paul was of his. My soul cries out to be part of the ministry in Puerta Lempira, to be more intimately prepared to offer prayer for those who are in need there. It is my mind and courage that falter and flail about today.
In fact, there is often a greater personal identification with Gideon than Paul. I hope for God to grant a litmus test as He did for Gideon (another one given to doubt). The boon asked? Three guesses, Gentle Reader. I simply wish to know that the travel insurance will be in place for Katie and I before we depart. Oh, I am a she of little faith today.
*10:51 a.m.: Printing out the flight information in order to call and put the travel insurance in place. Leader already has the paperwork for the secondary insurance. Soon to be doubly insured, I stand in the shallows thankful for God's provision in raising awareness that I had failed to sign up for the originally offered travel insurance, and feeling very foolish.