Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Level 4

This morning I have been playing a lovely little game. The stated goal of the game is to get dressed, get offspring out the door for school (where they are doing nothing since standardized testing is over), and possibly knock out a couple of loads of laundry. One levels up by adding degrees of difficulty like carrying an overly full cup of hot coffee without spilling or successfully navigating obstacles. Today saw a previously unknown level. Call it Level 4.
Level 4 begins with the player hopping up and down on one foot to pull on shorts standing on the landing of the stairs while trying not to get in Little Bit's way as she slowly takes the stairs two at a time without bending her knees. Player is holding the next load of laundry for the wash in the arm not struggling with the shorts. (Perhaps Player wins extra arms, hours, or hired help at later levels? Or maybe that's a bonus that comes with finding the lost cup of coffee?) The fourth circle of Hell level really gets exciting when 150 pounds of Labrador retrievers go snarling, barking, drooling insane and bash themselves against the front door indicating a potential witness to the impending fall visitor. Shorts almost on, laundry trailing, child still playing her own little game (as if nothing else is happening), Player reaches the front door through the sea of angry fur by banishing dogs to their crate only to trip over the cats who are moving into the space recently vacated by their canine counterparts. Stopping to catch a composing breath after the obstacle course, and to be very sure the shorts are actually fastened while still holding the load of laundry that Player suddenly realizes is almost all underwear. Dropping the underwear/laundry onto the floor to be hidden by the opening door, Player finds the prize behind door No. 1: a flyer advertising a local Chinese restaurant and the rapidly retreating back of the guy who hung said flyer on the door handle. Oh. But. No.
Game over.
Laundry stays in a pile where one of the previously mentioned furballs will no doubt nest leaving behind massive quantities of hair to clog the washer and dryer. Little Bit, who has finished traversing the stairs with her odd gait, silently takes the flyer and heads to the recycle bin. Mommy goes to find the cup of coffee that is no longer too full since a third of it was earlier deposited on Mommy's shirt before the one-armed shorts wrestling match on the stairs began. Refilling the coffee cup, Mommy slides onto a stool for further caffeination to re-up Player's energy tank before pushing "restart" to take on the racing game "Carpool Line".


Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I never pass Level 4. It always ends up with spilled coffee.

czstout said...

This is too funny :) I'm all for games, but not sure I'm ready for this one Holly :)

Fannie said...

No,no you only win things if you answer the door and FORGET you have no pants on! ;)