Back and Forth

Sunday evening Don and I loaded up the girls and headed for our Bible study group. Erin was off to play with the other kids. Katie was serving as a helper to the babysitters because our group has a vast population of wee people. Evan was staying home alone. He has aged out of childcare, and we are transitioning to a stage many of his friends have been enjoying for months. He has been of a legal age (12 years old in Texas) to stay at home by himself for the past year and a half, but he has not been ready to do so emotionally. Our group leaders have said we can bring him, but Evan has repeatedly balked at being expected to follow the babysitters' instructions because they are only a chronological year older than he. That can create some bigger issues with younger children who need to obey the sitters to avoid absolute chaos. So, I feel like the boy needs to stay at home unless he is willing to be subject to the sitters or join in the study discussion.
We have been talking about maturity and independence lately, and his body is all thirteen-and-a-half while his emotional age seems significantly younger in many instances. He recognizes this, but he seems to either disregard or not recognize the consequences of this immaturity. Like most people, much less teens, he wants all the privileges and opportunities of thirteen, but he balks at the responsibilities of those much younger. It was a flying leap of faith to leave hime home alone, but it was also an exercise that will help to garner him a greater level of parental trust and to build a little confidence.
His food issues surfaced moments after we left the house. Half an hour after pulling out of the driveway, my phone was registering a call from Evan. He asked me to come get him because he was "already getting into trouble." *sigh* I left Don and the girlies at our group's meeting place, and drove back home. Evan had ice cream all over himself and the kitchen, but he was glad to see me. We cleaned up the kitchen and Evan together. I told him that he did well to call when he could not handle the responsibility of being in charge of himself. He was all set to head out the door when I dropped my bombshell: he was still staying home alone. I was going back to group without him.
He was shocked to hear that despite his ice cream escapade and the disruption of his almost immediate phone call, I would still expect him to be able to stay at home like any other eighth grader. Because I know he can do it. We spent some time determining that Evan has difficulty deciding what to do with himself while on his own. Then we brainstormed things he would like to do that his sisters fail to appreciate. We considered Star Wars movies (which the girls dislike) and Harry Potter movies (which the girls do like) because those movies would run way longer than the time the rest of the family would be out. I went to the kitchen to fix him a snack that would be a bit better for him than an ice cream bonanza, and while the popcorn was popping we realized that there was likely either a Food Network Challenge or an Iron Chef battle running on t.v. that would help him to track the time passing until the rest of us would return home.
I finally headed back over to the group leaving the boy in a good mood talking to the t.v. chefs and gnoshing microwave popcorn. The social period and most of the discussion was already over, but Don and I had the opportunity to walk and pray together a bit in the final half hour of the group. Afterward, we all arrived home to the chatter of food network in an otherwise quiet house. We were greeted by the dogs and the cat, but not Evan. He was zonked out on the couch. I woke him up, told him that, "You did it! I knew you could!", and sent him off to bed.
Next week will be another opportunity. I may have to come back home again. I may miss much of this study's discussion. It will be worth it.