Hormonal Breakdown

Today's special word is either "hormones" or "patience". Either way, it has been a long morning. Don thought about staying home from his men's group because his accountability partner is out of the country, but he decided to go in case there was some need for him to be there. It turned out that he needed to not be here. The girls started a screaming match that required me to get off the cell phone with Don who was driving to his group. (Don and I are usually on the phone with one another if we are not in the same place. I was serious about my claim that we are the most codependent couple in the world.)
Katie had been told to change already because of an ink stain on the leg and a short sleeved shirt I deemed unacceptable because it is 40 degrees outside today. Katie was refusing to change because Erin was "staring at her". Erin was curled up in a ball on the floor having failed to get dressed at all because Katie was trying to "boss" her. I figured this could be a quick fix. I told Katie she could have privacy if she dressed in the bathroom, but that she could not order Erin out of their shared bedroom. I told Erin to get dressed in whatever she wanted to wear, but to do it immediately after making it clear that she could not be made to leave the bedroom by Katie.
Twenty minutes later, Erin is dressed, but she has not brushed her hair and she has no shoes on her feet. Katie has made no progress at all, but she is tormenting her little sister by pulling clothes which belong to Erin off the hangers and dropping them on the floor so that Erin will have to pick them up later. Erin is understandably protesting. I send Erin off with instructions to brush her hair (with shoes and socks in hand) in order to both remove her from the line of fire and get her ready to go. I inform Katie that she will change clothes, pick up the items off the floor, and that I will be telling Zach that she cannot ride to school with him this morning because she is too busy throwing a fit. I also inform her that I can wait all day, but that she will have to explain why she is late to school if she does not get moving. Katie is sobbing, but I need to get Erin out the door.
I drive Erin to school. It's an opportunity to reiterate that Katie does not have the right to toss Erin out of their bedroom. Erin seems satisfied that I understand her problem. We talk about how we are supposed to help others, but that this morning there was no way Erin could help Katie. Instead, Erin needed to just get on with her own responsibilities and let Mom handle Katie's issues. We talked about personal responsibility, and I stated that everybody has their own. Erin said, "Except for babies." Okay then.
I returned home to find Katie curled up asleep on her bed... still wearing the short-sleeved shirt and stained jeans. I contemplated strangling her, but in the end I woke her up by asking loudly why she was not yet changed. The water works resumed and my girl wailed that she did not know what to wear. (We're the recipients of mountains of hand-me-downs and the girls were given new items for Christmas. There is no shortage of clothing.) Instead of pursuing the strangulation plan, I stalked to the hanging rack to offer a couple of suggestions because I can see that she is so overwrought that she won't be getting anywhere if left to her own devices. I then opted to leave the room stating that she could dress in the privacy she had previously requested.
Katie is dressed in long sleeves, but she is still wearing the ink-stained jeans. I do not really care about the stain at this point. She won't be cold which is my primary concern. (I place a hand on her head and pray for her while giving her a much-needed hug. I wish I could do this growing up thing for her.) She is also still intermittently crying. I ask if she has herself "together enough" to go on to class. She says she doesn't know. Since she is already tardy, I figure we will sort this out on the brief drive to school. As we leave our neighborhood she is red-faced with tears streaming and she is gulping air in between sobs that are growing rather than diminishing.
I suggest that we drive around the block so she can regain her composure before she goes to class. I can see her trying to do this in the rearview mirror. I suggest that if she gets upset at school she can ask to call me. She is afraid she will have to explain why she needs her Mommy and start crying at school. (That would not go over well in 5th grade. The girls have started to turn mean with hormones as we have already seen this morning.)
I pull up to the school, and we walk quickly into the front office. I tell the registrar that Katie will be a little late this morning "because she is 10", and we go back to the truck. (I thank God that Don is at his group because this is not the morning for the most expedient solution to our daughter's behavioral troubles.) I drive over to Starbucks thinking of the times I have met a friend there for a cup of tea or coffee. Katie perks up quickly. She seems to like the idea of a cup of decaf hot tea. (How very grown-up this likely seems to her. It definitely beats the grounding that she will also enjoy after this morning's work and the embarrassment of Zach knowing she threw a fit.) I explain that this is a ritual that I periodically engage in with Daddy, Sylvia, Ally, Denise, or some other friend that never fails as a pick-me-up. (Then again, I get a caffeinated beverage.)
She is now calm enough to talk about what was really bothering her this morning. That would be everything. She is chafing at the level of closeness and lack of privacy in our household. Her brother is weird. She tries to include him socially because he is also one of the friendliest people on earth which sometimes leads to embarrassment. Her little sister is ever-present. Katie is tired of sharing everything from the same bedroom to much of the same clothing with Erin. Erin is seven and the nuances of Katie's pre-teen moods frequently escape her leading to episodes like we experienced this morning. Mostly, Katie is disappointed with her own lack of self-control.